Oh no you don't — Abundant Song

Oh no you don’t.

That phrase typically follows a situation where someone tries to do something unexpected or outside of the norm. Someone swoops in with a hand swat and an “Oh no you don’t!” That’s how I feel right now with yoga. Or maybe, I should say, I’m concerned that’s how yoga feels about me.

I’ve been working on my 200 hour certification with a fantastic organization called Breathe for Change. I’ll let you do your own research on them, but if you work in education you should check them out. It’s been a fantastic journey that started with a Facebook ad (really!) and is ending with my graduation from the program next weekend. Throughout it all, I’ve been feeling pretty good about everything and my part in it and what I might be becoming.

Then we had to teach. Wow, I was so nervous. I ran through everything several times. I did the thing. I didn't completely choke. But I’m not sure. Did I cue well? Did I make sure everyone was safe? Did I help create a space that was safe and welcoming? Did I get any of the mechanics right? Will I get to read through my feedback sheet? What are my next steps? Should I even be doing this? Maybe I shouldn’t try teaching yoga? (cue the downward spiral…) “On no you don’t!” Don’t do this new thing. Stay in your lane.

There it is. Imposter syndrome. Self doubt. The ick. We all have it. It’s so hard to combat, that feeling that everyone else is crushing it and you are just trying to stay afloat. That feeling of “oh no you don’t.”

I don’t have answers. I don’t have steps to get yourself out of that nasty self doubt cycle. I’m not totally sure what my next steps are, but I know this: when a stressful work situation reared it’s head today all I wanted to do was asana. So I did, in my classroom, in skinny jeans. Five sun salutations. My problem wasn’t solved magically. but my mind was quieted and that’s the point of the practice.

So, tomorrow, I’m going to get on my mat. I’m going to do the thing. I’m going to spend some time meditating and praying. I’m going to trust the journey and try to quiet my mind. Sometimes, that’s all you can do.